Peter Pan ain't got Nothin' on Me.

So after just over two weeks of vacation, I go back to work tomorrow morning. And I've spent the past three days dreading it with every fibre of my being. My eyes are twitching, I'm having trouble breathing, and I have absolutely no energy or motivation to get up off the couch.

I know not everyone loves what they do, and I know that people have a lot worse jobs than I do, and I shouldn't be such a whiner, but I don't think that dreading going to work as badly as I am right now is really a very good thing.

I'm beginning to think that I don't want to do what I do anymore...

And this isn't the first time I've gone through this. Since I was like 8, I wanted to be an actress. Not that I was very good at it or anything. I went to all sorts of auditions and nothing. I even went to one of the top Theatre Schools in the country for University and ended up spending my time there in the production department (backstage). Finally, a few months before graduation, I decided that I couldn't see myself doing this for the rest of my life. So I graduated, found a new passion and went back to school to get trained for my current career.

The thing is, my intention all along was to be an editor for big-name-publisher whose books I read. Problem is, after 8 years of trying, I still can't even get my foot in the door. I think they've gotten to the point where they see my resume and basically throw it straight in the trash. And they're the only publisher of that genre (three guesses which one...) in Canada. And getting a work visa to get a similar job in New York seems sorta unrealistic and unattainable (what with the whole, no one else who's American is qualified enough to justify hiring me rule). So while I waited for my big start at dream company, I kept taking jobs "around" my field. And I hated every one.

And I can't keep waiting for dream company to come around. And I can't keep forcing myself into jobs that I'm not happy in, and that don't really give me any opportunity for growth or advancement.

Only, I don't know what to do next. Okay, lottery win permitting, I'd love to be able to stay home and write full-time. Get published, build a fan base, yadda yadda. But Super 7 hasn't come through and I have a mortgage to pay. So I need to find a new career. And I have no idea what that's going to be.