It just keeps coming...

I'm a bit of a stats whore. I love my statcounter, seeing who's been visiting, where they're from and all...

And despite me not posting over here for I don't know how long, y'all keep coming by to visit.

So, why don't ya come visit me at my new home? The controversy I was concerned about has passed, and quite frankly, I no longer give a crap.

Find me here: lararose.com/blog

Oh, you participated in my pick a new pseudonym poll and Lara Rose isn't even close to any of the names you had to pick from. Yeah. I know. I'm indecisive. *grin*

Harry Potter freak

be sorted @ nimbo.net

Ch-ch-ch-changes

So, here's the thing. I haven't been here in way too long a while. I thought, for a long time, I'd be able to handle two blogs... one for promo for the new name, one to still hang out over here with old friends.

But, with a full-time job, three freelance jobs, and a potential part-time job looming on the horizon, I just flat out can't keep up the two.

This may change in the future, I may come back, but for now, I'm hanging out over at wordpress under the new name.

I'd point you there, but here's the thing. Over there, there's been some issues. Some issues with a person or two who I'd rather not be making the jump from here to there or there to here.

That being said, old friends and all... if you have hung in with me this long, and want to visit my new home, leave me a comment here, or send me an email, and I'll send you the new url.

And thanks. Here's hoping I'll be pink again in the near future.

As real as it may seem, it was only in my dreams

A couple of years ago, there was a group of women I spent a fair bit of time with. And then I left the group. It wasn't my choice.

And while I admit to still being a little hurt by the situation and how it ended, I've moved on and I'm okay with it. Or so I thought.

Lately, I've been having dreams about these women. It's never the exact same dream, but basically, they all show up in a completely unrelated situation and then gang up on me, poking fun and making me feel, well, like I'm in grade 8 again and being picked on by the popular girls.

And I realize that these women aren't responsible for their actions in my dreams. My subconscious is entirely to blame. But I wonder what exactly it is my head is trying to tell me.

I mean... this was over two years ago. I don't see these women, ever. I've distanced myself from situations where I could see them (possibly to my own detriment, I admit, but I have a lifetime of being made to feel unwanted, I don't need to willingly put myself in that kind of position anymore.)

I know that the friendship I thought we had was more because we were in this group together, than any sort of bond because of commonality and equal footing and, well, friendship.

So why do they continue to haunt me?

A very perceptive friend suggested that it's because I'm a big softie who doesn't like knowing that there are people out there who don't like me. Which is very true.

A teacher I had in high school once said that dreams give us what we're missing in our real lives... So I'm missing being treated like crap? Being made to feel small and unwanted? Being publicly ridiculed and mocked?

What is up with that? What kind of masochistic idiot am I?

Do I need to try and repair things with these women? Because to be honest, I don't think I'm the one who should be making the first move... or if these are even people I want to repair things with.

Or should I just be spending more time with people who make me feel bad?

Cuz I don't really like either of those ideas.

But how do I make it stop?

Bad blogger

I know. I haven't been blogging in a long time. Although, that's not entirely true. I have been blogging, just not here.

And yet, people still pop by to check in to see me. And I feel guilty.

I guess the big problem, for me, is I'm having a big of an identity crisis. You may recall a few posts ago that I mentioned deciding on a pseudonym... well, not only did I decide on the pseudonym, I started a blog, which is where I've been spending a lot of my time, and I created a website... for the HTML class I was taking. Grade on the website: 100%. Final grade in the class: 99%. Yay me.

So where's the confusion? Well... I don't know who I am anymore, and I don't know who I want to be associated with what. There's the real me...the name that I try not to say over here, or, really, anywhere on the 'net. The thing is, the books that I'm editing? They have my real name, right there on the inside cover. Which is fine, because there are very few people that will be able to look at that name and go, hey! that's Pink.

Except... how I get paid for these books is a percentage of the sales. So, I want to promote them. Because, hell, I worked damn hard on these books, and my first royalty check was $15. And that ain't right. But if I start promoting these books here, then I'm pretty much coming out from behind the Pink wall.

And, had I really thought about it, I would have kept Pink and Lara (the new name) separate. But I didn't. And now it's in a very public place that Pink and Lara are me.

So. I'm not sure how to handle it. And I'm not really sure why it's so important. Who really cares if people know that I'm Pink and Lara and Me?

So yeah. There it is.

I'm still alive, I just don't know who I am anymore.

Stupid is as stupid does

So, I read advice columns... a lot of them. I find it interesting to hear about other people's problems and how to handle them, it's that whole character development thing that I like to weave into my writing. I saw this one today from Ann Landers (I'm guessing it was a reprint :) )

Dear Ann Landers: I always wondered how a pedestrian could be hit by a car in a crosswalk. I know now. I cannot count the number of times I've seen pedestrians step blindly into an intersection crosswalk when the light turns to "Walk." Do they stop to see if oncoming traffic notices them? No, they do not. They just figure the driver will see them and hit the brakes. They march directly into the street, assuming that because they have the right of way, the cars will stop.

What they do not know is that the driver in an oncoming car just got fired, had a fight with his wife or is trying to find the lighted cigarette he just dropped. The pedestrian may have the right of way, but being right isn't enough when you're laid up in the hospital or, worse yet, in the cemetery.

Wake up, you idiots. Your life is your responsibility, and if you value it, you will not assume that all drivers are sober, considerate and interested in keeping you alive. -- A.H. in Sacramento, Calif.

Dear A.H.: Thank you for all the readers you may have saved today. Your message is clear: Don't assume a driver sees you or that he is competent, sober and alert. The one who isn't could cost you your life.

Now, the sentiment is great... pedestrian or not, pay attention to the road, but in a way the writer of this letter is still blaming the driver... and, seriously, pedestrians need to be cognizant of the world around them, as well as the rules of the road... without blaming the person behind the wheel.

Sure, it's all well and good to say, well, pedestrians have the right of way. But when it comes down to a fight between a two-ton blob of metal and a 150-pound person, guess who's gonna win?

There was one incident that I'll never forget that drove this home for me. Now, I live in Canada. We get snow. We get a lot of snow. This isn't unusual for us and I find it hilarious that people are actually surprised when it comes. One particularly blizzardy afternoon, I was driving with some friends. Now, I was being overly cautious because the snow was still falling and the roads were very, very slippery. My eyes were glued to the road (scanning around for people, other cars, etc.) Both hands were on the wheel at 10 and 2. And my foot was hovering between both gas pedals. (i.e., give it enough gas to move the car, but keep your foot near the brakes in case of slipping or kids running out onto the street)

I was about 10 feet from a cross walk when a woman marched up, pressed the button and, without stopping, stepped into the street directly in front of my car. I slammed on the brake and skidded into her, missing her literally by --> <-- that much. What did she do? She stopped at the sound of my squealing brakes (and my blaring horn), didn't even look at me, and then kept going, completely oblivious how close she came to getting run over.

Now, I'd seen her approach the crosswalk, but knew that if I tried to stop (even though I was going less than 25 km/h) I'd skid and hit her, and considering how close I was to the walk, common sense (snow or no snow) would tell a pedestrian to wait until the car almost in the crosswalk had passed before stepping out onto the street. I would have passed in less than 10 seconds, and I'm pretty sure that extra ten seconds wouldn't have made any difference in her life.

Now, I was paying attention this time. If I hadn't been, if I'd been fiddling with the radio, or laughing with my best friends, or even checking out my best friend's hubby in the rear view mirror (hey, he's cute and he used to make faces at me while I drove :) ), that woman would be dead. And even though she acted completely recklessly, it would have been legally my fault, because my car crossed a crosswalk while the light was on.

There's a very important group of words in the laws of the road that a lot of people on the road (both in and out of cars) tend to ignore and I think it's the cause of a lot of the accidents we see today.

Those words... "When It Is Safe To Do So."

Just because you put on your signal or press the button on a crosswalk doesn't mean that the whole entire world around you is going to be able to instantly stop to let you do what you want. Great, you've signalled that you want to do something. Now wait until it's safe for you to do it...

What *should* happen, is that people will see your signal, and will act accordingly, stop for a crosswalk, let you change lanes, whatever. But, because so many people are acting like "well, I put my signal on, I'm going to do what I want right now, whether there's someone in my way or not", people are going out of their way to prevent them from doing it. (Like the people who speed up to keep you from changing lanes in front of them on the highway.)

It's called common sense and courtesy. Let's use it. Then it really might be Safe to Do So.

Happy Blogiversary!

Happy Blogiversary,
Happy Blogiversary.
Happy Blogiversary,
HAAAAAAAAAppy Blogiversary.
Happy, happy, happy, happy,
Happy Blogiversary
Happy, happy, happy, happy,
Happy Blogiversary...

dontcha just love the Flintstones? *grin*

Yup, today's my one year blogiversary.

So, where was I a year ago? I was working at Sprawl-Mart, making the 130 km round trip across the city, and unhappy as all heck. Getting regular migraines, colds and all round feeling crappy. And more often than not, I was driving across the city to sit at my desk and do.... nothing. The day I started this blog was two or three days after I got access to the internet at my desk (yeah, try being a copywriter and do research without access to any kind of research material...). And I thought it was something I could do to keep myself occupied during those long hours of thumb twiddling.

And now here I am a year later.. working three-and-a-half jobs from the comfort of my living room. Still waiting for Mr. Pink to propose. Still not any closer to being published, but at least significantly happier with my life.

And I'm finding I like this. I like writing several times a week (tho, yes, not that much lately, I admit. *grin*). I like knowing people are out there who are interested enough to pay me a visit once in a while (thanks for coming! :) )

So here's to another year together. Let's make it a good one! :)