It's been a long, long time

I know, I've been a bad blogger. Although I have been keeping up with my blogroll and my readers' (all 2.5 of you :) ) blogs, things have been... interesting... and I just haven't been able to write.

I'm a little gun shy because of the controversy of which I cannot speak, but has left me with some serious doubts about my abilities. Despite the fact that the controversy doesn't have anything to do with me and my actions, so I've been told, the nagging doubt still sits there... I know. How self-absorbed am I?

And speaking of self-absorbed, Mr. Pink and I are having a big of a fight. I know he's ill, and it's having a huge impact on our relationship, but there seems to be a fine line between caring girlfriend and doormat, which I'm afraid I'm becoming. But on the other hand, there also seems to be a fine line between selfish bitch and not putting up with said doormating. And I'm struggling a lot with that. After four years, I'm not gonna let the most painful disease known to man ruin things, but things, I think, must change...

And, I've been wondering a bit lately, as the editing part of my life has taken over the way it has, whether I should just focus on that and let go of the writing for a bit. But the thing is, it won't let me. The Prada Bag Princess, which I know won't work for the target publisher, just won't leave me alone. The thing is, it's gone and rewritten itself so that it no longer reads like a sexy version of the M*nsch story, but is something new altogether. And Draco and Alyssa won't leave me alone, damnit, so I think I'm gonna have to finish it.... soon.

Someone asked me once, why I write... and I remember giving some bullshit story about wanting to be better than some girl who treated me like crap in 5th grade. Only it's not that... and hasn't been since probably 9th grade when we finally went to different schools. Most of the way through school, it was to prove I couldn't.... I was one of two who had stories published in my creative writing class' showcase book... There were 10 people with a Playwriting focus at my school in my year. I was one of them. I got into the program with a short story I wrote the night before the deadline all to prove to my parents that I couldn't get in. Showed them, didn't I? :) And since then, I could have stopped writing any darn time I wanted. Only, I kept going back to it. And my characters keep bugging me, sneaking into my head, yelling at me to finish their darn story. And when I'm writing... I feel amazing. I love getting swept up into that zone, into that world that I've created.

I just have trouble getting there... It's like exercise. You know how you whine and bitch about getting on the treadmill, oh, I don't have time, oh I want to watch tv, and then you do it and you feel great and you're on that exercise high and you wondered why you resisted in the first place? yeah. that.

and worse, I'm beginning to think that my resistance to get there is not because I don't want to, but because I'm afraid to. Afraid of failure, that things won't be as good in reality as they are in my head, but also afraid of success. Of proving that I really am good and then having to keep living up to it.
But I can do it. I just need to believe it.

Separated at birth?

Ok, so today's hot guys are more cutie pies than hot, but I found this interesting. The other night, I couldn't sleep and ended up staying up really late watching a movie that I didn't really like that much the first time I saw it. And the "kid" looked really, really familiar.


But this movie came out eight years ago, so there was no way this guy was still playing a sixteen year old. I mean, he's not Keri Lynn Pratt or anything. (Have you seen her? she plays 30. she plays 16. and she always looks the part... she's like an age chameleon.) But really, tell me he doesn't look an awful lot like Beaver from Veronica Mars?



What do you mean you haven't seen Veronica Mars yet. I told you to go watch it. Go. Now. *grin*

More about me than you've ever wanted to know. :)

My first meme. I stole this from Keb:

HAVE YOU EVER:

smoked a cigarette or tried it: Yes, just once and I shared it with six or seven other people.

crashed a friend's car: No. My own... that's another story :)

stolen a car: No.

been dumped: Oh yeah.

shoplifted: Nope.

been fired /laid off: *sigh* oh, yes... once because the new Sr. VP's wife wanted my job, and once because the company didn't want to pay out bonuses.

been in a fist fight: Heh. I have sisters. Yup.

snuck out of your parent's house: Yup ;)

been arrested: No.

gone on a blind date: Yup. many, many blind dates.

lied to a friend: Probably, but it was a little white lie.

Skipped school: Yes, but I used to call my mom and tell her I did it.

seen someone die: No.

been to Canada: Yup, considering I live here and all :)

been to Mexico: Nope. One day...

eaten Sushi: Yes, but it was vegetable, not fish-based.

met someone in person from the internet: Yup. see my response on blind dates above. Oh, and a blogger friend

taken pain-killers: Only when they're forced down my throat. I have trouble swallowing pills. Not good when I was recovering from an appendectomy last year.

had a tea party: Yes! I love to entertain.

Cheated while playing a game: Probably, but did it in such an obvious way that everyone knew and laughed about it.

fallen asleep at work: Yes, but I was in the sick room at the time.

used a fake id: No, I was a total goody-two-shoes in high school.

felt an earthquake: Yes. Here in Canada! My mom started yelling at me for shaking the couch we were sitting on, and I kept trying to tell her it wasn't me. Then the news came on and announced that we'd just had an earthquake.

touched a snake: No.

been robbed: Yeah, from one of the pubs on campus in Univ.

petted a reindeer/goat: Yeah, my parents were big on the whole petting zoo thing.

won a contest: Yes! I won a singing contest held in the city's biggest mall.

been suspended from school: nope. goody-two-shoes, remember? :)

been in a car accident: yes. none were my fault. I got rid of that jinxed car.

had braces: Nope. Perfect teeth, no cavities *grin*

eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night: surprisingly, no, I haven't. And I looooove ice cream.

witnessed a crime: I don't think so.

swam in the ocean: Yes, Pacific and Atlantic.

sung karaoke: Yup.

paid for a meal with only coins: Yes, but we have those damn loonies and twoonies.

laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose: Yup milk. gross.

been kissed under mistletoe: No, I don't think so. :(

crashed a party: Yes. Sort of. My best friend and I picked up these guys in the middle of the street one night and they took us to a party. We left pretty quickly.

worn pearls: No.

jumped off a bridge: Nope. I'm afraid of heights.

ate dog/cat food: uh, no.

kissed a mirror: no.

glued your hand to something: I don't think so, but I used to dip my hand in the white school glue cuz I liked the feeling of peeling it off. Apparently I was a very odd child ;)

done a one-handed cartwheel: no, I couldn't do it. Tried tho.

talked on the phone for more than 6 hours: Yup. Lotsa times.

didn't take a shower for a week: Not since I was 12.

pick and ate an apple right off the tree: Yes. Went out walking with my Bubie.

been told by a complete stranger that you're hot: Yes. the wierdest, I was 13 and walking down the street and two guys leaned out of a moving car and started screaming at me. Freaked me right the heck out.

Well there ya go.

What is up with TV?

Ok, as I know I've said repeatedly, I watch waaaayyyy too much tv. Way too much. Put it this way. I scour the Internet just to find out which shows are getting cancelled, so I can celebrate. And take them off my PVR (think Canadian TIVO). My PVR, which at any given moment, is precariously close to being completely full.

The biggest cause for celebration? 7th Heaven. This is the last season. I can't really say why I watch this show. I hate it. I spend the hour yelling at the tv because it's just that bad. The plotlines are ridiculous. The acting is atrocious. And any of us who've had premarital sex? Yeah, we're all going to hell. Kinda a funny sentiment, coming from the guy who writes bad porn. (Yes, I've read it, or tried to and couldn't finish it).

But I'm noticing that a lot of the shows that I do enjoy are just sucking the big one this season.

Alias? So not into it this year. Ok, yes, I know Jen's pregnant and can't do all the cool shit we've come to love, but if you're gonna bring new characters to flesh things out, at least bring back the baddies we've come to love. A little Anna Espinosa, a Julian Sark, or, please, please, please, SpyMommy. Hell, Summerland and Kitchen Confidential just got cancelled, bring back Francie and Will! But JJ, seriously, Lost rocks. We love it. Now bring us back the Alias Love.

Another show I've become addicted to? The L Word. The women in this show are just such strong characters and I got sucked into their world and the whole interplay between them... last season. This season, it's all about Jenny going coocoo for cocoa puffs. And it's getting more than a little tedious. I actually did a dance of joy this week when they announced that next week is the season finale.

But the worst committer of the wtf crime? One of my guilty pleasures (ahh, who'm I kidding, they're all gullty pleasures *grin*) is What I Like About You. Please explain to me why dating Holly turns men into wussies? Seriously, first Ben, starts out all suave English rocker, and then Holly dumps him, and he's whiny geek-boy. And now poor Vince goes from "I'll do anything with tits" to stuttering idiot boy. Can we have a little realism please people?

And don't even get me started on the train wreck that is Charmed. The show ended perfectly last season. This comeback just feels pathetic.

Makes me wonder why I'm giving my PVR such a workout dammit.

Sometimes you gotta say... what the F***?

Ok, you had to know that my last post had to have some kinda inspiration, right?

I'm embroiled in a little controversy right now, and the more I read around in blogs, the more I'm seeing that this isn't such an uncommon activity. Take a look at MJ Rose's blog. More silly antics by writers.

I can't go into the actual details of what's going on, and I suspect there's more to the story and the reasons for it than I know about, but suffice it to say, there's a very foolish author who's pretty much shooting herself in the foot.

I'm going to say it again. This is a small industry. People talk. People talk a. lot.
And with blogs and email and e-loops, not a lot gets kept secret. And throwing a pissy fit and making threats isn't going to get you anything but a pile of rejection letters.

And I'm gonna be really damn pissed if all that work I put in just gets thrown out the window.

Insert clever title here

It's Thursday and you know what that means...

In one of his 80's teen movies, John Cusack played a character with the same name as Mr. Pink. And today's Mr. Pink's birthday.

John, you're a cutie:



Mr. Pink: Happy Birthday. Love you always and forever.

Biting the hand that feeds you

Well, it's been way too long since I've posted, but apparently trying to do three jobs while celebrating both my and Mr. Pink's birthdays doesn't give a girl a whole lot of blogging time.

However, I have noticed a few things in the writing blogosphere that I want to comment on.

The publishing industry is very, very incestuous. Let's look at that whole "venom cock" thing (and really I'm just putting that in my blog to drive more traffic here hee!) It can take a matter of hours for something to be said before it's talked about on one person's blog, then another, then another... Remember that shampoo commercial "and then she told two friends and so on..." ? Yeah. it's a lot like that.
Worse, people have really, really long memories.

Let me tell you a story. When I did my internship at *bignameromancepublisher* in 1997, there was this one author who sent me probably 5 or 6 manuscripts over the 6 months I was there. She was close, but not quite ready to be published. I got to the point where I really hated to write back to her, because I felt bad sending her yet another rejection letter. And in my brand-new-editor ego, I wanted to help her. So I sent her a letter telling her that it was great that she was so prolific, but she may want to take a little bit more time with her manuscripts before sending them to us to make sure they're as good as she can make them. I know, kinda a snotty thing to say, but I really thought if she'd take the time to put her book aside, go back to it with fresh eyes, and really polish it, she'd create something publishable.

Now, the author could have called me and just said, hey, can we talk about this? What do you mean? And I could have told her what her issues were and helped her out a bit. I was an intern. I wasn't too busy or important to talk to people.
Instead, the author posted the letter I wrote on an e-loop. An e-loop that I WAS ON. What followed was a stream of commisserating emails, discussing my incompetence as an editor, how I simply wrote that because I was having a bad hair day, and basically I was a big bitch. First, I'm always having a bad hair day. Second, I'd like to think that I'm good enough at my job that the state of my hair really doesn't come into play. And even after I identified myself on the loop, the author still sent me nasty letters and basically played the "poor me" card. Now, here we are, 8 years later, and a simple google search shows me that this author? still unpublished. Still trying. Yup, you read that right. Eight years later, and I still remember her name. And worse for the author? I talked about what happened with my co-workers. One of whom is now the Senior Editor. Betcha she remembers that author's name too.

My point? Most editors are buying writers, not books. This means, how you behave, how you treat people, how easy you are to work with plays a part in an editor's decision to take you on. This is especially true in romance, where there aren't a lot of players in the game and each house can be as picky as they want. If you're gonna throw a hissy fit every time someone offers a suggestion or asks you to do something, people are gonna remember that. Then they're gonna move on to a new publishing house and talk about you with their new coworkers. And they'll remember you too.

As an editor, I have one job. That's to take a written manuscript, be it a romance novel, a techinical user manual or a flyer for a giant department store, and make it as strong a piece as I can. I don't have time to make up bogus requests or change things just for the hell of it, just to piss a writer off. I do it because I, in my experience and talent for what I do, honestly believe that this change will make it better. And I even hate using the word better. Stronger, more effective, more powerful, take your pick.

If me doing my job is going to make the writer throw a pissy fit every time I do? That's not gonna make me jump up and down to want to work with her again. And when the executive editor asks me about working with the writer and I tell her the story? She's not gonna be jumping up and down either... get it? This is where the "and so on" comes in.

Publishing is a business. And sitting on both sides of the fence, as I do, I know how hard it is to take your story, your heart, your soul and turn it into a product. But that's what it is. A product you want to sell. To a business you want to build a relationship with. Treating the business poorly? Ain't gonna get you sales, whether you're a newbie, or a multi-published NYT bestseller.

And while this rant is absolutely not directed at any one person (much *wink*), I think it's something that all of us writers should think about...

What's your fantasy?

Now that I have more time on my hands, and I'm spending a lot of it alone here at home, I'm finding myself in my head a lot more of the time, thinking about painted wings and giant rings, instead of oh crap, that SUV is merging into my Echo hatchback!

Which is definitely a nice change.

So, writing what I write, I tend to think about fantasies, my own, my characters', and to a point, my readers'. (Don't worry, this isn't a segue into my sex life with Mr. Pink. That's none of yer darn bizness *Grin*)

But fantasies, much like a good love scene in a novel, (particularly, in an erotic romance... too much gymnastics gets a little tedious after a while), setting and mood and the emotion behind it plays such a huge part.

In university, there was this room, set up specifically for the stage lighting students, that was basically completely empty, except for any light and any cool toy you could add to that light to practice and design your lighting. One of my projects was to set different moods based only on light and colour. Y'know red for anger, blue for sadness, hot pink for hot sex (*nudge* get it.. hot pink, the pink pen... hee!)

And for the longest time, the idea of that room, that being able to set any mood you desire, played a huge part of my fantasies... (and it didn't hurt that my lab partners were two yummy boys who walked around in tight jeans and tool belts *wink*)

But instead of a couple of Lekos here and there with a pink-gelled Fresnel wash setting the stage... setting the mood for your love scene is using all the other stuff, the angst of a first time together, the smell of two people's sweat mingling together, the sound of the ocean waves lapping at the shore in the distance, the first touch of a calloused hand on bare skin, the taste of the perfect mouth.

And it's developing that fantasy, that setting, that mood, that gives you a love scene that works. Much better, at least, than insert tab A into slot B.

Dontcha think?

Still Pondering

You know how you totally expect something to go a certain way? You've played it out in your mind, you've run scenarios in your head, and you're completely prepared for it. And then it turns out that it's the exact opposite? That would be my day today. I have to say I'm pleasantly suprised, if a little confused.

On a neat-o note, I've always gotten a kick out of other people's odd searches that led people to their sites. Usually, mine are pretty boring, but today I got my first wierd one... someone found me with the search "give me pink ass". totally cool, in a rather twisted kinda way... *grin*

I also had a total a-ha moment today. In my writing, I've always been really good at coming up with a let's chuck the hero and heroine together in a rather odd way opening. My biggest problem is, once I get them there, I have no idea what to do with them. The a-ha moment came in a workshop on writing a page-turner novel by Maggie Shayne. We were doing the GMC for our own books, and I used Losin' It, which I've been really stuck on for a while. And my problem, which is the basis for what I thought was my problem, is that my characters suck. Ok, not literally, although I'm sure they do, heehee. But really, I'm not developing my characters enough. Which is something that the editor pointed out when she rejected Caught.

Where this really shone through is that I have absolutely no idea what to do with my hero... I don't know what he wants or why he wants it, though he did give me some significant insight into his character today, which I thought was rather generous of him. But I think what I'm going to have to do is completely trash the whole plot line of the book and start over.

I find that I'm trying too hard to have my books be too many things... Losin' It is starting to be a Blaze/Brava/Chick Lit/Romantic Suspense. I need to just pick one and stick with it. I suspect it may be that I've studied too much, read too much and I'm trying to do it all at once... kinda like going to the Mandarin and giving in to eyes that are bigger than your tummy. I need to just say, OK, today is honey garlic chicken balls, and a little fried rice, and nothing else.

It seems I've got a lot of pre-writing to do.

Something to think about...

So, I'm pondering a pile of things.

First, I'm in the process of creating a real website. Ok, it's right now on a free host, but at least it will let me create a couple of pages and maybe get some excerpts in there and have something more writing focused as opposed to whining about my commute and working at Sprawl-Mart. which isn't a problem anymore, but still.

Thought one... I want a funky look to the site, something that plays on the whole Pink Pen Papers thang, but isn't too fugly. Eventually, when I finally get published (or when I actually finish something !!!) I'll get a real domain name under my pen name (whatever that may be), but for now, this'll do. Heere's my first dilemma. I'm not web savvy programmer. or at all. I've been reading through the wordpress websites, but it's like the teacher in Charlie Brown talking to me. Only I have very limited funds, so hiring a designer isn't quite feasible right now...

Thought two, is the pen name... I know, I'm jumping the gun here, but hey, a girl can fantasize can't she? :)
Right now, I've been toying with using my middle and first name reversed - Marlene Laurie. Which sounds a little harsh. So then I tweaked it a wee bit to try Marlena Laurie. But I'm still not 100%... Then I also thought about playing with my initials, something like Elle Emme, which is, well, different. I dunno. It seems like such a big decision that's gonna affect the rest of my life, I want it to be perfect. Yeah, we've already agreed that I'm a dork.

Thought three... a favourite writer is speaking at this Saturday's meeting of the Chapter That Cannot be Named. I'm thinking of going. But, it's gonna be awkward. Probably mostly on my part, but since I'm the one who has to deal with me (so to speak) I dunno if I want to put myself through that. Then again, they probably won't even remember my name, so I have nothing to worry about.

I'm going to bed. I'll let the fates guide me while I sleep.

It's Bonus time

I know last week's Half-Nekkid Hot Guy Thursday was kind of a letdown, what with the repeat, so this week I've got a couple of pictures.

First, Christian Bale, who's been a favourite since Newsies. Christian, you can sing and dance cheesy musicals all you like, so long as you look like this while you're doing it:




Then, in another repeat, but for a reason this time, you'll remember Paul Walker from a few weeks ago:



Well, I found this picture from that day I met him. I think this is the summer of 1993...



Mr. Pink thinks I haven't changed a bit. I think he's still love blind. *grin*

Happy Birthday!

It's my birthday!!

Happy birthday to me!

I know, I've always been a geek about birthdays. I love having one. I just don't like admitting I'm a year older. Right now, I'll admit to 25, 29 if you push me, but in fact I'm {mummble}mrrffty-mree{/mummble}. *grin*

Mr. Pink felt the need to wake me at 4:30 this morning to wish me Happy B-Day and to remind me how old I am. Dork. Yeah, cuz I'm a craddle-robbing nine days older. Woo-hoo. look at that May-December romance.

Usually I have big old wish list of what I want, but really, I don't need anything. Except maybe a professional organizer to come and help me organize my messy house. Oh, okay, and Benefit Lip Balm, because you can't buy it here in Canada and my lips are so dry with regular lipstick, and I desperately need the colour.

But today's my day. Cuz I said so.

Gotta love the Gmail

Ok, so for the last long while I've been reading enviously about this totally cool gmail account. y'know, invite only and all that. I wanted to be part of the in crowd. I wanted one too. But I didn't know anyone who had one, and sadly, I never got an invite to the party.

Then, about a month ago, I was surfing some blogs and came across this one.
The blogger was talkin' about how everybody had a gmail account, and usually more than one. And then she offered up an invite to anyone who didn't have one. And I thought hey! Me! I want one!

And now I have two! And this morning, pinkpenpapers@gmail.com has 100 invites to share. So I'm paying it forward. Want a gmail account? Send me a message.

And this is totally not a ploy to find out who my frequent lurkers are. Not even a tiny bit *grin*.

And one more time

Ok, I'm totally crazy today and have been all week trying to finish off my time here at *store I work for*. (they're working me some serious overtime... geesh... the last week should be clean your desk, hand off your crap, not work your ass off...)

I don't know if I'll have time to post today's Half-Nekkid Hot Guy, so here's another look at Josh Duhamel's tushie.

Yummmmm....



No half this time... this is full-on nekkid hot guy Josh Duhamel. We're six days away from sharing a birthday (same year and everything!)



Rrrwaaaowr.

Pink's Hair Colouring Tips

If you've been dyeing your hair red for the past thirteen years, and you've been using a permanent dye for a good eight or nine of those years. And you let your mouse-brown roots grow out until they're very noticeable, while the rest of your red has faded to a dull auburn...

Do NOT use a semi-permanent colour. Especially one that has differing "leave on for... " times. And even more, especially not one that is labelled as Red Fusion.

Why?

Because you WILL look like someone tie-dyed your hair. And your mouse brown roots will still be there, and the colour will blend badly to the tip of your hair, which will be bright red. No, really. Super-Hot Red.

Heh. Ask me how I know.