As real as it may seem, it was only in my dreams
And while I admit to still being a little hurt by the situation and how it ended, I've moved on and I'm okay with it. Or so I thought.
Lately, I've been having dreams about these women. It's never the exact same dream, but basically, they all show up in a completely unrelated situation and then gang up on me, poking fun and making me feel, well, like I'm in grade 8 again and being picked on by the popular girls.
And I realize that these women aren't responsible for their actions in my dreams. My subconscious is entirely to blame. But I wonder what exactly it is my head is trying to tell me.
I mean... this was over two years ago. I don't see these women, ever. I've distanced myself from situations where I could see them (possibly to my own detriment, I admit, but I have a lifetime of being made to feel unwanted, I don't need to willingly put myself in that kind of position anymore.)
I know that the friendship I thought we had was more because we were in this group together, than any sort of bond because of commonality and equal footing and, well, friendship.
So why do they continue to haunt me?
A very perceptive friend suggested that it's because I'm a big softie who doesn't like knowing that there are people out there who don't like me. Which is very true.
A teacher I had in high school once said that dreams give us what we're missing in our real lives... So I'm missing being treated like crap? Being made to feel small and unwanted? Being publicly ridiculed and mocked?
What is up with that? What kind of masochistic idiot am I?
Do I need to try and repair things with these women? Because to be honest, I don't think I'm the one who should be making the first move... or if these are even people I want to repair things with.
Or should I just be spending more time with people who make me feel bad?
Cuz I don't really like either of those ideas.
But how do I make it stop?
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7 Comments:
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I got nuthin for ya girl. Maybe you had something that reminded your subconscious of the situation and there is no action to be taken on your part. Are your dreams recurring? If so I'd say write on a paper what you would like to say, then mail it or throw it. You will clear your conscious without having to bring them back into your life and starting drama.
By
Your Mother, at 3:05 p.m.
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Sometimes it's just your subconcious (or however the hell you spell it) telling you that you are having issues (for me it's always about control) in your real life. Your brain tries to find a way to convey it to you and picks something you can identify.
By
For me it's a former boss who hung me out to dry. Once I realized this I started taking control of the dream and through it got (some) closure and worked out what was REALLY bothering me.
They're just a manifestation of something else.
=) Deborah Beckers, at 5:20 p.m.
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I realized something at the RT convention, and it wasn't a happy realization. I approach meeting new people assuming that they won't like me. That they don't enjoy my company. I won't call them or persue new friendships because I assume that they'd rather I didn't. I don't know where this comes from (though if I thought deeply about it I'm sure I could pinpoint it), but it makes me very sad. But acknowledging that a great deal of it comes from my own faulty perceptions is helping.
By
You need to ask yourself if other people's perceptions of you are ruling the way you behave. Who you interact with, where you go. And even if people don't like you... do you like everybody? In my thirties I'm slowly accepting that not everybody will like me, no matter what I do... and that's okay, because I don't like everybody back.
Is avoiding this group of gals stopping you from achieving something you want to do? Would confronting the situation head-on heal some old wounds -- enough to be willing to put up with some short term pain to establish long-term gain? (Anthony Robbins... I know. Only you can answer those questions.
We're not kids anymore. Bullies only have power over us when we let them. Michelle Rowen, at 11:16 a.m.
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Are you in a situation that makes you feel the same as those women did right now? Could that be it? Or shades of it?
By Tracy Sharp - Author of the Leah Ryan Series, at 1:50 p.m.
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I always wonder about how to interpret my dreams...but I never get very far.
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Maybe you just miss them and are trying to work out in your mind how you can say Hey, what happened? Can't we be adults and find our friendship again?
Or maybe I'm full of crap.
Yeah, probably that. :)
But I certainly hope that you find some resolution! Shannon akaMonty, at 5:11 p.m.
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Well, if I were in your position, I'd move on and find nice friends that didn't leave me behind. But that's just me. I think that if these people were worthy, you'd have heard from them earlier. But it sounds like this is unresolved for you, which is understandable. I'd feel the same - hurt, that is.
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I'm here via Michele's blogroll. Hope you have a good day. Karen, at 12:54 p.m.
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I still have situations like this in my life without any resolution. I think that's the problem. You don't want them back, you just want to know where it all went wrong.
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Unfortunately I'm sure that's not the insight you were looking for.
Speaking of looking for...where have ya been?:) Janet, at 10:44 a.m.
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