Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.

I just wrote this big long post, and I accidentally deleted it. Dummy...

So let's talk about something else.

A few weeks ago, I went to a training class through work and got to talking with an Assistant Manager at one of our stores. Turns out, she's a published author, and she writes the good stuff (hot and steamy romance). From what she hinted at, she's making a pretty good living out of it, which I think is damn impressive, because our AMs work like 60 - 80 hour weeks, and I'm having trouble and all I work is 40...

The thing is, she wouldn't tell me who she writes as!!!!

She gave me a few clues.
1. She writes erotica and I think she's been published with Brava
2. Her initials are SJ, and it's the same number of letters as Susan Johnson, tho she isn't Susan Johnson
3. Her bio says she lives in Wales with her hubby and golden retriever (which is totally not true *grin*)

So I did a google for the bio info, and nothing. I did a search through Kensington's authors page, and the only SJ is Susan Johnson.

And she was supposed to write me an email and tell me who she was and she hasn't. AAARRRGGGH. And the not knowing is driving me crazy!!!

Does any of this sound familiar? SJ are you out there? Tell me who you are!!!

My Favourite Things

Two posts on the same day? During work hours? Huh, you'd think I had nothing to do. Oh, wait. I don't.

Yeah, how much do I love sitting in bumper to bumper traffic for 2 - 3 hours a day to go to a job where I have maybe an hour's worth of work to do? Such a great use of my time. And seriously. It's tuna. There's 110 g. in the can. It comes in flakes and chunks. What more is there to say?

*sigh*

But, I realized that I've been a little negative about other people's books lately, and really, I love to read. I love books. I'll read anything I can get my hands on. I even have a Reading Buddy at work. We sit together at lunch, but we read instead of gossip. (Yeah, I know. I'm a geek.) And my bookshelf, well.. there's 7 in my house crammed full (i.e. each shelf has stacks at least 10 - 20 high, and two to three piles deep.) (And that doesn't count the three giant bags hidden in the closet that I need to find shelf space for.)

And I have some favourite authors.

If I had to pick just one absolutely all time favourite romance novel... Gentle Rogue by Joanna Lindsay. There's just something about James Mallory.... pirate, member of the ton, damn sexy....

And my new favourite author, Erin McCarthy, who I discovered through the Brava Novella Contest. Seriously. Funny, sexy, and in Bad Boys Online she has a 100-page sex scene. Awesome. I want to be her when I grow up.

I also recently discovered MaryJanice Davidson and her "Undead" series. Funny and vampires, which at first I thought was an odd combination when I picked up Lindsay Sands' Single White Vampire, but found that I like them so much better. Oddly enough, I remember reviewing one of MaryJanice's YA books back when I did that for a website I don't remember... It was very cool to be able to google myself and see my name under the review, which used to be on her website. It's not anymore. Oh, well.

And I really got started in category romance, which I'd hardly ever read before I interned at Harlequin, with Lori Foster. Actually, I wrote the back cover copy for Scandalized, which is printed on the B&N site. Very cool. (who'm I kidding? eeeeee! :) ) It's always funny when I go to job interviews, because that cover (and the other one I wrote) are in my portfolio. Here I am applying for a job as a technical editor or writer and here, look at my romance novel covers *grin*. Though some interviewers get really sort of wierded out by that, especially since being Pres of that local chapter I no longer belong to is on my resume... I can't tell you how many times I've heard "You know there's no romance writing in this job". No, really? You mean a Financial Institute doesn't publish romance? I never would have guessed...

Good lord, this is hard. I have so many authors I make sure I read...
Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum books (though I really hope Stephanie starts to grow as a character, she's getting a little boring making the same mistakes over and over again (though how good would Vin Diesel be as Ranger in the movie version?) )
Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake and Merry Gentry series. (And I'd really like to know what kinda crazy ass shit went down on her blog that she had to take down her comments and message board pages)
And naturally, I have to have everything written by Jennifer Crusie. I loved her launch book for the Love and Laughter series... the one with the cougar heroine and the hero who wore Daffy Duck boxer shorts.
And I loved Alison Kent's gIRL gEAR series.

I'm currently re-reading Erin McCarthy's Smart Mouth, and when I'm done, I just bought A Connecticut Fashionista in King Arthur's Court by Marianne Mancusi, which I've heard good things about.

And I'm always looking for new books to read, new authors to discover... I'm open to suggestions.

So Very Blocked

All right. The time has come for me to stop making excuses and just get down to it.

First, it was that I hated the room that is my office because it's messy and ugly and has bad vibes. So I couldn't write in there.
So I bought a laptop so I can write anywhere.
And all I've done so far is play games and read other people's blogs while I watch tv.

Then, it was that I didn't know if Losin' It was even interesting enough to keep writing, because it's a little odd (sort of a chick lit meets erotica, where both the heroine and the hero think the other is a prostitute.) and I don't know if I'd be able to sell it.
So I sent the first chapter to my critique group and received rather positive feedback.
And yet I *still* haven't written anything new.

The thing is, I want to do this. Every day that goes by that I stare at my computer, every Sunday that passes, I have this overwhelming guilt and sick feeling deep in my stomach that I'm missing something... And I'm pretty sure the reason is that I need to be writing, and I'm not.

Why? Procrastination? Stomped into the ground self-esteem? Pure and unadulterated laziness?

Yup.

Ok, and a little bit of the commute from hell that just wipes me out at the end of the day. But really. Suck it up.

So. now I have to get past those. I need to figure out how to turn off that little voice that says "You're writing is so bad, you couldn't even write for Harlequin" (which is an exact quote from my editing instructor in College, who considered this the ultimate insult, because Harlequin sells "junky little books" [just remember, those who can, do, those who can't, teach. and she wasn't any good at teaching either.]) and the other voice that says, "it's your relaxation time, just sit back and watch tv. You don't need to be working."

But now the season is over, we know Haaron killed Lilly Kane, Walt got kidnapped by the Others and Michael Vaughn isn't really Michael Vaughn. So the most exciting thing on tv right now is a lot of reruns, reality shows and Canadian Idol (and really, how much Ben Mulroney and John Dore can a girl take?) And most people are going to be on vacation, so the commute from hell will hopefully become the commute from heck.

And there' s no more excuses. So I'm putting it out there, in writing.

My goal is two pages a day.

I know that seems like hardly anything, but until I can get over this perfectionist, psycho internal editor thing, that's actually a stretch for me.

I can do it. I believe in me.

Heck, my first contest, I finalled in. And got a request for the full manuscript. Which I finished.

So go me.

Great Minds Think Alike

Well, at least that's what they say. Just as I was starting to put things out there about starting that erotic romance chapter, lo and behold, not two weeks ago someone else started the exact same thing...

Too wierd.

Well, I've decided to join up and we'll see how things go. I'm kinda excited.

RWA and Local and Online Chapters, Oh My!

I left my local chapter this year. I don't really regret the decision, because, even though I was the President of the chapter, I found I wasn't really getting anything out of it.

A lot of it was people-related, see my earlier post on former critique group, who took over the board, and quite frankly behaved more like they were still in junior high than adults in a professional organization. For example, at the end of the year, they went out of their way to make sure that the woman who hijacked our new member packages and disappeared for over 9 months was there to receive an expensive thank you gift basket, but after three years on the board, two as president, I didn't even warrant any sort of acknowledgement. The thing is, I really didn't want or care about getting an expensive gift basket, but a smile and a "hey, thanks" for giving up three years of my life for this group would have really been appreciated...

And, I always thought chapters were all about networking and making friends and all that, and I spent most of the meetings sitting by myself being ignored. And I know that a lot of it is my own insecurity and shyness about approaching people (probably from being shit on like that so many times), but if all I'm there for is to deal with unneccessary political crap and to listen to speakers talk about the SAME stuff over and over again, what's the point?

The thing is, I want a chapter where I can get that stuff... the making friends, the sharing of passions (authors, writing styles, etc, etc,), the useful networking and learning new stuff. And I don't know if another chapter is going to give me that. I don't even really know where to look. The local chapter encompasses almost all of southern Ontario, and the thought of heading all the way out to the nearest city with a chapter (easy a 5-hour drive) just doesn't really do it for me.

So I've been thinking of starting a new chapter... an online one, specifically for Erotic Romance writers. (or Romantica, Erotica, Amourtica (!!??) or whatever those crazy kids are calling it these days). And I have absolutely no idea how to get started. I mean, seriously, I'm the girl that can't even get anybody to come to her housewarming party. What sort of chance do I have getting people excited about the idea of joining me to form an RWA chapter? And after what I went through over the past couple of years (false accusations, power trips, disrespect, etc.), why in God's name would I even want to take on the responsibility?

But I guess I'm willing ot put myself out there... for the greater good, or I guess the greater good for me, and see if there's interest. Because I kinda miss it.

The Frizz is Gone

I'm a frizz ball. Always have been, probably always will be.

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me how much they wished they had curly hair and inside I screamed "No you don't! Run screaming at the thought!!!", well, I'd be richer than Bill Gates.

Every hairstylist I've ever had has run screaming at the thought of cutting my hair, because they flat out had no idea how to do it. I've tried recommendations from friends... "I'll just straighten it out and then cut it. Then hopefully it will look good when it's curly", "No, you need to blow dry your hair. I don't have a diffuser, this'll work." I've even tried finding the stylist from magazine makeovers on other women with curly hair. "Oh, I don't remember how I did that. I'll just cut it this way" Nothing has worked. My hair still is a mass of frizz, and most of the time I look like my head is a triangle. And the billions of magazine articles I've read telling you "how to control your curl" yeah right, what a load of crap.

Then I was at a grand opening for one of our new stores and one of our vendors had great hair, curly and well-defined and, just nice. So I mustered up the nerve and asked who does her hair. This guy, apparently, is the god of curly hair. He was leaving his current salon, and starting a new one... the Curly Hair Institute. !!! Well, heck, it's in the name, they have to know what they're doing there, right?

Then that little voice started. It's not going to work. Nothing is going to take away the frizz. You're gonna look like that for the rest of your life.

But I got fed up. My hair looked like crap 99% of the time and I had to do something. So I tried the salon.

Holy crap, they knew what to do! It's been almost a week, and I have no frizz. I have cute little bouncy curls that nicely frame my face. I don't have a big triangle of messy, ugly, straw-like hair sticking out of my head. And even better, my stylist, Hewitt, took time to show me what to do when I got home. This is how you do it if you want to blow dry, and if you want to air dry, which is better for curly hair, then you need to do this... And it's worked!! I've never been able to get my hair to look like it does after a cut... until now.

They told me I'd say this, and I didn't believe it, but Thank God for the Curl Keeper!

Just When Things Are Going Ok, Life Kicks You in the Ass

I went to a funeral today. It was my mother's boss' son... who I had worked with for a number of summers as we benefitted from the joys of nepotism.

I haven't seen him in years, not since my last summer at the company back in 1997, and I've definitely lost track of him and what he's been doing. But I have to say, his death has hit me pretty hard. He was two years younger than me, and one night he went to bed, content in his world, a few months away from finishing his PHD thesis, and his heart stopped. Talk about unexpected. We should have been celebrating his wedding. Instead... a horrible, unreal tragedy.

Besides being --> <-- this close to getting his PHD and being published in the leading medical journals in his field (at 30!!), it turns out that this guy who could always make you laugh, was a horror writer. In the past few years, he's had 19 short stories published! Nine. Teen. I gotta say, that's damn impressive. Check it out - he's pretty good.

I was overwhelmed by all of the people who were there, the stories they shared, and the good memories. I only hope when it's my time, I have half the support...

We'll miss you Jamie.

It's not black, it's just a very light shade of grey...

I'm getting a little peeved with the category romances I've been reading lately. Most of them have been missing that very important black moment. For the non-romance types, a black moment is when all of the conflict that has been leading up through the entire book comes to a head, and the reader is absolutely convince that neither the hero or the heroine are going to give up their side so they can find mutual ground and come together. In a relationship. (Get your mind out of the gutter! =) ).

In the HQ Blaze I just finished reading, the "black moment" (or very light grey in this case) came when the hero got pissed off because the heroine went for coffee with a friend and didn't tell him about it. (There was actually a note she'd left that he hadn't bothered to read). First. This is not a black moment. This is not even an argument. What the heroine should have done is said "When you own me, you can tell me where and when I can go. Until then, you know where you can go..." Either way, this isn't an overwhelming argument, that makes me, the reader, wonder if they can get past it. It makes me wonder why the heroine would want to be with such a tight-assed control freak, but that's neither here nor there.

Overwhelmingly, you hear editors talk about how conflict isn't sniping or arguing throughout the whole book, with which I wholeheartedly agree, however, if the conflict isn't strong enough that the black moment has me on the edge of my seat worrying and doesn't give me a big sigh of relief when the h/h overcome it, then that isn't conflict either.

I have to say, I started reading all these Blazes as a bit of market research for my own book, and all I'm finding is really good examples of what not to do. Don't get me wrong. I'm reading some very nice sexual tension and some rather hot sex scenes, which really is the point of a Blaze, but the fundamentals of the story are getting lost in the sheets. (pun intended =) ). So come on Blaze editors and writers, don't forget about how to structure your story while you're getting hot and heavy.

Thank you.

South Park Pink Pen

This is the South Park Pink Pen that I created here.

It's actually kinda scary how much she looks like me...